La lingua de Katia

La lingua de Katia The writings of a child from a thousand different parents

Monday, February 16, 2004

I can't breath.
I haven't really slept this entire weekend and I feel terrible. More physically terrible then anything else. I worked so much this weekend. Today is my first day off and I have to go and visit Sophie because she is reacting poorly to her medication. I am behind in all of my classes. I just need a week a little vacation. I haven't smoked for 4 days and I want to go home but I know that I will smoke if andrew and steven are there. So i am hiding out in my parents house. My brother just left to Santa Barbra. I have so much fun with him. Yesterday after work we went for a hike even though I was exhausted and Last night on a whim we went and saw Butterfly Effect. I got so freaked out I couldn't sleep. I hate horror films. I hate the fact that Keri asked me to knit her boyfriend a scarf for his birthday, doesn't she realize I don't have any time? I am casting a new project. I don't really want to do it but I feel like I have to. The director is a friend of mine and he has been developing this short for the past 4 years. The thing is that the project really hasn't evolved in the past few years. I think he needs to move on. I just want to sit in a white room, with a poster of Marcello and write. I don't want any more things. I apologize for my stream of conciousness but I need to get out all of my anxiety before I loose my breakfast. I can't breath. My arms feel numb. I don't want to finish school. I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to drink or smoke or think about drugs. I feel really guilty lately. I want to go roller skating. I haven't called any friends back. I want to hid in a cave and rot away out of existence. I hate making friends. With each new friend there is responsibility. I can't save anyone yet all of my friends need help. Sophie is bedridden, They think Keri has diabetes, Dance is having a nervous breakdown about her boyfriend and financial situation, I can't think about this right now. I think this is why I am drawn to guy friends. I am too egocentric. My problems are not rare. I am not special, I am not a unique and beautiful snowflake. I can't breath. I am freaking out and I have to be at Sophie's in 10 minutes. I need to buy cards that say I am sorry and mail them out. I need to get rid of this guilt, this suffocating weight.

I HATE MY FUCKING STORY. I don't want to be an english major. I hate books, I hate reading, I hate writing. I hate.

Re: Cabaza
Bloody Brilliant. The details are beautiful and the mother character is fantastic. The fact that she knows she is weirding out her familiy and enjoying it is brilliant. Her daughter is a jerk...ok I need to calm down and come back to this. Maybe my mom will give me one of her Zanaxes


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