La lingua de Katia

La lingua de Katia The writings of a child from a thousand different parents

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Re: The Great American Novel
Why are you wasting my time? This story was rushed, vague and for the first one and half pages I have no idea what you are talking about. "Society hasn't helped much either. They've systematically destroyed all hope." Who is they? Who is this narrator? Ok I understand that they are cynical and bitter but again you create this voice that doesn't seem to articulate athority. Are you trying to be funny? This seems more like a stand up bit or a blog entry rather then a story. Again you create a detached intro, slab it onto the story for what pupose I don't know and then don't turn in an ending. Did you want to piss me off? Is this the point of your exercise?
Ok I ranted now lets turn to the positive where I can urge you to expand certain moments in your text. I really liked on page three when he realizes that his flirtiness is pointless. The coffe bit is interesting but I think you should take out that line, "But habits are hard to break." This seems redundent and an obvious statement. I know I am being nit picky but I genuinly feel that you could get rid of several short sentences, you know trim the fat, because they don't add to the story. It you are worried that this will decrease your paper in length just fill in some detail. I WANT DETAILS! Also I wondered if you considered making John older. I think if you made him in him out to be in his mid thirties the story would take on a higher level of desperation for a connection. I mean 23, is just not that old. I didn't find John that interesting to be honest. I would be curious to have you write about Mr. And Mrs. Dudley's relationship. Here is another idea Maybe give everyone's point of view except for the main character John.

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