La lingua de Katia

La lingua de Katia The writings of a child from a thousand different parents

Sunday, February 01, 2004

Response to Andrew Wessels- The End of the Line
I thought that this was a very promising story because of the setting. It reminded me of the play No Exit where the main characters are stuck in hell. I didn’t think that Andrew needed to incorporate that “the End of the Line airport did not resemble any other airport in existence” rather I wished that he elaborated the uniqueness with more details. Also I wanted him to expand on the other people working for the airline. He could easily incorporate physical characteristics especially for the woman behind the ticket desk. I was curious about the fashion of her uniform. Since the exterior description was so dark I wondered if the people’s clothing matched the green and red color scheme. I really liked how he incorporated the trivial fact of how much the Camel backpack would go for in the Camel catalog and that the traveler did not wear a Brooks Brothers suit. These nuances really added a third dimension to the story. Pages four through six relied heavily on dialogue to communicate the interactions but I wanted more descriptions of the characters mannerisms. I mean did the traveler fidget or tap his fingers anxiously? I felt that the piece ended prematurely. I liked that he finally accepted his fate but I wanted the narration to continue after the young man left the manager also maybe the narration should begin before the dialogue begins for the intro. Looking back on the beginning it was jarring not knowing who was talking. Regardless I liked the concept of this story and would enjoy reading a revised draft.

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